A book coerced revised (see 1st entry)
His life had become like a dark, damp cave. Evil had invaded his mind, had warped his perception of life, and he had settled in this reality like an immigrant in a foreign land. The experience was driving him mad, and in his madness and anger, he involuntarily raised his arms, like a reflex, concerned with himself and his state. "I just keep worrying and making mistakes, I can't control my actions. I'm being tortured." There was no one there to hear him as he complained. He was alone and in terrible isolation. "Why can't I remember anything? The cards are stacked against me! Damnit! All life is deception! All life is-" but just as he was speaking, he became aware of a presence, and was distracted. He waited in silence, but the long wait just irritated him.
"I think I know who you are, and you're a fake!" he said to the presence and waited.
"If I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm sure you don't either!" he didn't know if he was talking to himself or somebody else, but there was no response.
"Are you real or aren't you!? Am I imagining you? It must be real easy for you, and I just don't care about you!..." he was so angry he was wearing himself out, and just then he heard a voice-
"I think you like having your life this way, and you don't want it to change."
"What?" he yelled angrily at the voice.
"Everything was calm and peaceful for me before I came to you. I wasn't expecting to find you in bitter darkness," said the voice, being ironic. "Well, I'm sure you know all this, and I know what's going to take place."
"And that is?" the man in turmoil asked sharply.
"Listen- it doesn't have to be like this. There is a more beautiful world just waiting for you," the voice replied.
"If you had said that to me any other time before this moment, I would have let you have it, but at this moment... I don't know. I think I can bear to hear it. I think I want to hear it. Please, keep talking."
The voice continued, "It's not my job to save you. You have to do it yourself. You think you want this life, that you've seen everything and got it all figured out... You know the things you keep complaining about? The things you keep worrying about? If you only knew how insignificant your fears are. They're all nothing compared to the real terror. I'm telling you, it's all just in your imagination."
"Mmm," the man responded, perplexed.
"And if you'd just leave this imaginary world, you would get to know true beauty, as well as true grief."
"If what you're saying is true, then you've won me over," replied the man,"but if it's been so easy this whole time, then why hasn't my life changed before now?"
The voice was assuring, "It's not too complicated, you just change. I would have told you this sooner if you could have heard it: We all make mistakes, and you'll have time to learn how to deal with the dangers of being free."
The man thought for a moment. "I think I can understand, even though I'm in darkness. I guess... let's see what happens."
"Let's go rest," said the loving voice,"I'm getting tired too."
"I think I know who you are, and you're a fake!" he said to the presence and waited.
"If I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm sure you don't either!" he didn't know if he was talking to himself or somebody else, but there was no response.
"Are you real or aren't you!? Am I imagining you? It must be real easy for you, and I just don't care about you!..." he was so angry he was wearing himself out, and just then he heard a voice-
"I think you like having your life this way, and you don't want it to change."
"What?" he yelled angrily at the voice.
"Everything was calm and peaceful for me before I came to you. I wasn't expecting to find you in bitter darkness," said the voice, being ironic. "Well, I'm sure you know all this, and I know what's going to take place."
"And that is?" the man in turmoil asked sharply.
"Listen- it doesn't have to be like this. There is a more beautiful world just waiting for you," the voice replied.
"If you had said that to me any other time before this moment, I would have let you have it, but at this moment... I don't know. I think I can bear to hear it. I think I want to hear it. Please, keep talking."
The voice continued, "It's not my job to save you. You have to do it yourself. You think you want this life, that you've seen everything and got it all figured out... You know the things you keep complaining about? The things you keep worrying about? If you only knew how insignificant your fears are. They're all nothing compared to the real terror. I'm telling you, it's all just in your imagination."
"Mmm," the man responded, perplexed.
"And if you'd just leave this imaginary world, you would get to know true beauty, as well as true grief."
"If what you're saying is true, then you've won me over," replied the man,"but if it's been so easy this whole time, then why hasn't my life changed before now?"
The voice was assuring, "It's not too complicated, you just change. I would have told you this sooner if you could have heard it: We all make mistakes, and you'll have time to learn how to deal with the dangers of being free."
The man thought for a moment. "I think I can understand, even though I'm in darkness. I guess... let's see what happens."
"Let's go rest," said the loving voice,"I'm getting tired too."
1 Comments:
Jason: couple things - read "Waiting for Godot" by Samuel Beckett. Your writing reminds of the famous play, you'll love it. Also, give your characters names and describe where this event takes place - a dark cave? It makes sense to you, but if the reader knows a name and can imagine a place, they will go much further with you. Action helps with that, too. Supplement your dialogue with actions, things the spirit shows the man, things the man does. Does he sit? Does he launch at the spirit? What actions can he not control?
Thanks for sharing, Steve
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